Part 1 Orange

14 Apr

“So this is Orange huh? Pretty big, for a creepy eight leg spider. I still say it was a bad move to buy it.”

Tom noted Orange was not actually an orange spider but a Pink Toe Tarantula and while it might have seemed small in the tank it was huge being held by Moss.

“Calm down Tom, what are you gonna do, force me to take it back? No way man, I’ve always wanted a spider; the bigger the better as they say. It’s harmless; at best Orange would have to take a few months to eat you. Even then the chances of that happening are low like… you getting a better girlfriend.”

Now Moss was putting the spider back into her clear cage that resembled a tiny jungle before returning to the sofa near the TV and jungle. Once inside Orange walked into a shadowed area out of view. Maybe Orange was stalking one of the crickets that, for the moment, lived in terror of being eaten alive.

“Always gotta start a fight with me Moss? Anyway, you know I can’t leave her. I love her.” “And I keep telling you lust is not love. Let’s state some facts; she’s cheated on you multiple times, smacks you around, hates you, and claims she loves you. Face it Tom, she’s a poisonous spider. Take a look at Orange there.”

Orange was creeping up on a cricket that decided to stop hopping for a moment and take a drink. As the cricket finished its drink and turned around Orange laid a few legs on it and then plunged her mandibles into its back.

“If this keeps up, she’s gonna suck the life out of you Tom. I wonder what I’m going to say to mom at your funeral.”

“Strong words coming from the man that fights with everyone.”

“I’m a little rough. Sue me. Oh wait you did that, Tom. Love ya buddy.”

At the next commercial they raised their glasses and toasted the friendship. The show that was coming on was now about how spiders were found in the fossil record.

“I swear this sofa of mine is just as twisted as you.”

“Love ya too Moss. Well I already know I’m going to die and -” “I’ll stop you there; I know what you’re going to say. So let’s start a new subject. What do you think about Stacy? You know the girl I just started dating.”

“Oh her? Wonderful, you managed to find the female version of me. I don’t know why you don’t just date me; it’d be a lot easier you know Moss.”

“Now hold on one minute there, I couldn’t have found-”

Orange decided to break up the conversation by smashing another cricket into the glass. And then, as if she was aware she had disturbed the conversation, Orange took her kill into the shade.

“Listen Tom, I meant to say before that, I do love you but not in the way that you suggest. Mein Gott man, I know we have this bromance, frenemy, best friends for life, favorite rival relationship; but what we’re not is lovers. I know you’ve slept with guys before in the past but I don’t swing that way. Though I do thank you for the offer, I’ve been thinking I’m getting a little old and attractive lately.”

“Okay then smart guy answer me this; What about the time we slept in the same bed?”

“It was the only bed in the hotel room!”

“What about the time I woke up to you holding me?”

“You fell off your bike after going off that ramp and I was checking for injuries.”

“But your hand was in my pants an-“

“You were fucking bleeding down there!”

“You make it sound like I want in that way Moss. I thought about it, maybe more than I should have. But I hate you more than I like you. Actually I think I hate you more than I did when I first meet you, just had to steal my rucksack then. Remember sitting with the Principal that day?”

“Of course I remember, you beat the hell out of me and had to be called off. I was sitting there with a black eye. ‘but nobody told me that Moss was a violent and quiet kid!’ and then you said ‘punks jump up to get beat down’”.

They laughed at this, and then chinked their glasses again. The show that was coming on now was about giant robots fighting giant mushrooms for supremacy.

“The brick affair? How the hell does that name even make sense? I think the only person more stupid than the creators would be the people who actually like watching it. Right Moss?”

“Hey now, I like the show. The main character just had his best friend killed in the last mission and he wept rust and oil and rust; tears man. If that’s not heartfelt then I don’t know what is.”

“I’m sorry but I don’t know how a giant mushroom could kill a giant robot. So go ahead, tell me how he was killed. Was he deathly sick around mushrooms? Did they drop a bigger mushroom on him? Did they-“

“Gee man, you just gotta be an ass and insult me don’t ya Tommy boy?”

“It’s not that hard when you have the intelligence of a mushroom and I’ll tell you another thing-“

Orange in the mean time had taken cornered a few crickets and was slowly walking towards them forcing them to jump into the pool of water below. The loud noise that caught the attention of humans had been the crickets attempting to charge Orange. Orange on the other hand would not take this kindly, and return the attack with equal violence. Orange hit the crickets hard enough to send two crickets into the glass and send the third into the water below. Mid victory pose, she noticed the humans watching her so she decided to get off of her back legs and slowly walk down to the water for the drowned cricket. The humans were noticeable shocked at this despite the television showing spores and parts everywhere on the make shift battle field.

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